Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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