i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
