Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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