but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
