dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
