You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
