i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
