i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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