A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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