you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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