Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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