so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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