Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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