ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men