Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My breasts were aching with rage.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
