I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles