But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that