no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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