u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
