This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
