im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Acid is not a monday night drug
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
