Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
