i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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