quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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