I wish I could punch you in the face.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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