i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
