im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
