How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize