He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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