I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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