We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
