she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize