So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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