Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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