i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
