Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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