Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
