I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
