roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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