"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
