so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
