im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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