I want to have your abortion
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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