I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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