Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the gays at disneyland are vicious
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
