Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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