I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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