he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
