We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
