I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
