I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
