Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
