ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
