Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
