yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
