and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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