I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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