is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
