Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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