i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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