i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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