and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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