dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
