the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
