Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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