your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
