p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
