I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
