I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
