so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
