all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
