he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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