whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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