Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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