Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you had me at cake vodka
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
