His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
