Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
