is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
