guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
